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| Clarence's Transcripts | |
| Episode | Season 3 Episode 2 |
| Written & Storyboarded by | Tony Infante (Writer) Spencer Rothbell, Tony Infante, Sam Kremers-Nedell and Stephen P. Neary (Story) Tiffany Ford and Arlyne Ramirez (Storyboard) |
| Chronology | Previous: Sumo Goes West Next: Clarence for President |
[Kids are seen working on their Valentines cards]
Ms. Baker: And after you done with your cards, you know, you give them to a special someone you like. Or it could be just a friend, too. No presh. You guys are young, and that's, uh --
[Ms. Baker opens her bag and figures out it's all covered with lipstick]
Ms. Baker: ugh, that's your Valentine. [Ms. Baker takes out her glasses case] It's your day to appreaciate each other.
Clarence: Hey, Jeff, Jeff. Look.
[Clarence shows Jeff his Valentines card, with a cupid who "loves love"]
Clarence: He loves love.
[Jeff smiles, Clarence goes back to his place]
Clarence: I love love. [Giggles]
[Clarence takes Jeff's card]
Jeff: [Gasps]
[Clarence gives Jeff's card to Malessica]
[Clarence takes Mavis's card]
Mavis: [Grunts]
[Clarence gives Mavis's card to Belson]
[Belson throws away Mavis's card]
Belson: [Sighs] There, fixed it.
Mavis: [Grunting]
Ms. Baker: Hey, guys, keep it down, please.
Clarence: Ms. Baker. Who's your Valentime?
Ms. Baker: Oh, uh, it's all of you guys. You guys are all of my Valentimes.
Clarence: We already all have Valentimes. You got to have a real Valentime, too, like a grown up.
Percy: Is it Mr. Reese?
[Laughter]
Ms. Baker: Okay, guys, come on.
Belson: Is it no one?
All: Ooh!
[Chelsea gets up]
Chelsea: Who cares if Ms. Baker doesn't have a boyfriend? She's fine on her own.
Ms. Baker: Uh, Chel-- Chelsea.
Chelsea: I see her all the time at the Fryer's Cinnapuffs. Almost every week. We go there after soccer, and I see Ms. Baker there all alone.
Ms. Baker: Thank you.
Chelsea: Totally by herself, and she's okay.
Ms. Baker: [Sighs]
Chelsea: She's just fine.
Clarence: Hmm.
Chelsea: Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever seen her with anybody else before.
Clarence: [Smiles] Hmm.
Scene changes to West Aberdale.
Mr. Mozer: Quiet, class. It's Sumo's turn now.
Sumo: Uh, I brought this. [Sumo shows a dead frog] I found it.
-[Gasps] Whoa.
Mr. Mozer: Hmm. Interesting take, Sumo. Instead of a normal journal entry, you manifest this heartbreaking meditation on futility.
Sumo: Yeah, he's really smashed in there.
Mr. Mozer: You know, I can't help but be reminded of T.S. Eliot's "The Wasteland." "And I will show you fear in a handful of dust.
Sumo: Cool.
Girl: Um, Mr. Mozer, are we gonna do anything for Valentine's Day?
Mr. Mozer: Valentine's Day?
[Mr. Mozer looks at his schedule]
It's not Valentine-- oh. Oh, it is.
[Mr. Mozer puts a draw of a heart in a wall]
Mr. Mozer: Okay, uh, why don't we just have a discussion about how maybe we don't need big greeting-card companies telling us when we should and should not express our love, and through what? The power of consumerism?
Girl: Dunkin's mom made cupcakes.
[Dunkin grabs a plate full of cupcakes]
Mr. Mozer: Oh, cupcakes.
[You see kids and Mr. Mozer eating cupcakes]
-Mmm, oh.
-Oh, chocolate.
Mr. Mozer: Mmm.
Scene changes to Ms. Baker car
Ms. Baker: [Sighs]
[Ms. Baker gets in her car, and she sees a Valentine's Day card]
Ms. Baker: Hmm? [She reads the card] What? How'd this get in --
[Before Ms. Baker finishes reading the card, Clarence appears to be on the back seat]
Clarence: Ms. Baker!
Ms. Baker: Aah!
Clarence: Come over for dinner!
Ms. Baker: Clarence! What are you doing?
Clarence: It's Valentime's. You can't just have a sad microwave eat-it-over-the-sink dinner. Come to my house instead.
Ms. Baker: What? No.
Clarence: If you come, you might get hit by Cupid's arrow. [Whispering] I found you an amazing man.
Ms. Baker: What? Who?
Clarence: Only the most handsomest, nicest, rich man you'll ever meet.
Ms. Baker: [Sighs] Listen, Clarence, I'm working on myself right now.
Clarence: When will you be done?
Ms. Baker: It doesn't work like that.
Clarence: Will you be done working in time for dinner tonight?
Ms. Baker: [Sighs]
[In the later scene, Clarence is out of Ms. Baker's car, and she leaves with her car]
[Tires screeching]
Clarence: See you tonight! [Turns on his walkie-talkie] Come in, Sumo.
Scene changes to West Aberdale-
[School bell rings]
[While kids leave, Mr. Mozer listens to a man in his computer]
Male voice: And I will show you something different. From either your shadow atmorning, striding behind you...
[Before Sumo leaves, he listens to Clarence voice and he grabs his walkie-talike]
Clarence: Sumo, do you read me?
Sumo: What's up, man?
Clarence: Do you know any amazing men?
Sumo: Ah...
[Sumo looks at Mr. Mozer]
[Jazz music plays]
Sumo: [Chuckles]
Scene changes to Clarence's house.
[Mary and Chad are having a romantic dinner. Lights are turned off]
[Mary is about to give Chad another strawberry]
Chad: Ahh --
[Doorbell rings]
Chad: Huh? Uh, did you order pizza already?
Mary: What? No.
[Mary opens the door and figures out Ms. Baker was there]
Mary: Oh. Ms. Baker. I mean, Melanie. What brings you here? Is -- is Clarence in trouble?
[Clarence gets in the house]
Clarence: Mom, Ms. Baker's coming over for dinner! [Looks at Ms. Baker] Oh, Ms. Baker. You look great.
Mary: Clarence, I thought you were supposed to be at Sumo's.
Chad: Holy smokes. I did not know we were having company tonight.
[Chad takes out all the "romantic dinner" stuff]
Clarence: Why is it so dark in here?
Ms. Baker: Well, I-I hope I'm not imposing.
Mary: No, no, no, no, no, no. Please, come in. We're just -- we'll just turn on these [Turns on the lights] darn lights [Laughs]
Ms. Baker:Okay.
[Ms. Baker comes in and closes the door]
Clarence: Oh, my gosh, you're in my house. [Takes Ms. Baker's hand] I'll show you around. Don't be scared. It's not so different from school [Chuckles] [Shows Ms. Baker the coffee table] This is a coffee table. It's kind of like a desk, um, but for, like, watching TV and putting your feet on. [Shows Ms. Baker the TV] And this is my TV. Sometimes I watch it instead of doing my homework. Sorry. [Looks at the time in the DVD player. It's 7:50 PM] [Gasps] Oh, my gosh. Looks like Mozer got cold feet. [Grabs his walkie talkie] Mr. Chicken to Rooster Boy: Do you read me? Cue the backup.
[Sumo is in the back garden]
Sumo: Copy that. Hey. Come on.
[Hank shows up with some flowers and Sumo is opening the door]
[Doorbell rings]
Clarence: Sumo, abort backup! Abort! Abort! Abort!
[Sumo closes the door]
Sumo: Hey, get out of here.
[Hank throws away the flowers and leaves]
Clarence: Your prince has arrived.
Ms. Baker: [Sighs] [Touches her hair] [Hums]
[Clarence opens the door, Mr. Mozer is there]
Clarence: Hi, Mr. Mozer!
Mr. Mozer: Howdy, Clarence.
[Mr. Mozer comes in and Clarence closes the door]
Mr. Mozer: Thanks so much for having me over. Hey, I heard somebody likes a certain special TV show.
[Mr. Mozer shows Clarence a "The Mmms" bag with some colours and pencils]
Clarence: [Gasps] Oh, my gosh, "The Mmms." You're a perfect man. [Closes the bag] Take my hand.
[Clarence takes Mr. Mozer's hand and takes him with Ms. Baker]
Clarence: Mr. Mozer, I want you to meet Ms. Baker.
Ms. Baker: Oh, hi.
Mr. Mozer: Oh.
[Ms. Baker and Mr. Mozer take each other's hand]
Ms. Baker: Nice to meet you, yes.
Mr. Mozer: I think I recognize you from the Common Curriculum Conference.
Ms. Baker: Oh, you were there?
Mr. Mozer: Of course. I remember you asked a insightful question about --
Ms. Baker: Oh, oh, oh, oh. About those furlough days.
Mr. Mozer: Right! Everyone was thinking it, and you just said it!
Ms. Baker: [Laughs] Yeah, well, what were they thinking? Sometime you just got to teach 'em.
[Both laugh]
Mr. Mozer: You got to -- you got to teach them, yeah.
Clarence: It's working.
[At dinner time, Mary opens the fridge to see what's there]
Mary: [Sighs] Oh, boy [Sniffs a cheese] Ugh, no, that's not good.
Clarence: (heard from distance) Okay, Ms. Baker. You sit over here,
[Mary closes the fridge]
[Clarence is putting some seats on the table]
Clarence: and, Mr. Mozer, you sit right here.
Mr. Mozer: Oh, yeah, great. [Chuckles] [Clears throat]
[Ms. Baker sits right to Mr. Mozer]
[Clarence watches Ms. Baker and Mr. Mozer]
Clarence: [Chuckles]
Sumo: [Chuckles]
[Sumo puts 2 candles on the table]
Mr. Mozer: Ah, kids, right?
Ms. Baker: [Laughs]
[Chad comes to the dining room]
Chad: Oh, man, we're in luck. I found an extra seat.
[Chad puts his extra seat next to Sumo]
Mary: So good to have you guys over for dinner.
[Mary puts some food in the table]
Mary: I managed to, uh, scrounge something up for us.
Mr. Mozer: I'm starting to get the feeling that --
Clarence: Drinks for the lady!
[Clarence gives Ms. Baker a glass with orange juice]
Clarence: Da, da, da, da!
[Clarence gives an empty glass to Mr. Mozer, and then he puts orange juice in it]
Clarence: Get a little juice in here.
[Clarence grabs Mr. Mozer's glass of orange juice]
Clarence: So, Mr. Mozer, looks like you're really hitting it off with your Valentime's date.
[Mr. Mozer takes his glass of orange juice]
Mr. Mozer: Oh, uh, thank you. Wait. Date?
[Mary takes Chad's hand]
Mr. Mozer: Date?
[Clarence takes Sumo's hand]
Mr. Mozer: Date?
Ms. Baker: This drinks are pretty good, huh?
Mr. Mozer: Date?
A flashback is shown in Mr. Mozer's mind.
[Bell rings]
[You see Mr. Mozer when he was a kid. He falls off a swing and a lot of Valentime's stuff is seen around him]
Mr. Mozer: [Wailing]
Flashback ends.
Mr. Mozer: Date? Date? Date?
Ms. Baker: [Touches her hair] Uh, Craig?
Mr. Mozer: Yes! The drinks are very good!
Chad: Oh, wow.
Mary: Uh, you know, you really can't force these Valentine's things. It was only when I really stopped looking, you know, that I got in a good enough place where Chad and I just found each other naturally.
Ms. Baker: Huh? Oh, oh, no, no. We're -- we're not --
Mr. Mozer: No, no, not us. No.
Chad: Oh, it's true, man. Oh, I love the single life. Uh, but finding Mary was the best thing that ever happened to me.
[Both chuckle]
Ms. Baker: Yeah. [Drinks orange juice]
Mr. Mozer: Uh... [Eats a chip]
[Clarence gets upset]
Clarence: Hmm. Sumo, a word.
[Sumo and Clarence hide under the table and both talk with their walkie-talkies]
Clarence: Kkk! What are we gonna do? Mom and Chad are hogging all the love.
Sumo: Uh, on it. [Takes out some hair from Chad's leg]
[Tearing, thud]
Chad: What? Ow! Mar.
Mary: Come on, Chad. I was just playing.
Clarence: Kkk! Now we got to spice things up. Time for the love potion.
Sumo: Copy that.
[Clarence gets up and grabs some sheet he wrote about Ms. Baker and Mr. Mozer]
Clarence: Okay, time to get to know each other. Starting with Ms. Baker.
[Sumo grabs some stuff from the table]
Clarence: Ms. Baker writes, "I'm a simple, small-town girl with big-time, uh, ambitions."
Ms. Baker: Is that my Aber-Dating profile?!
Clarence: Yep. We found Mr. Mozer's, too, but his was so boring.
Ms. Baker: [Groans] I can't believe this is happening.
Clarence: "I love Western-style barbecue." Oh, I like that.
Chad: Oh, Western style's underrated.
Mary: Uh, Clarence, I think that's enough of that, all right?
Sumo: [Chuckles] [Puts some barbecue and stuff on a glass] [Sniffs Ms. Baker's lipstick]
Clarence: Wait, this other stuff is also kind of boring.
[Ms. Baker tries to take Clarence's sheet]
Ms. Baker: Give it -- Clarence.
Mr. Mozer: Hello.
Ms. Baker: C-Clarence!
Clarence: Ms. Baker, I'm trying to read it.
Ms. Baker: That stuff is really personal.
Clarence: Let's see here. We got biggest fears. Are you scared of dying alone?
Mr. Mozer: [Chuckles]
Sumo: [Clears throat, clicks tongue]
Clarence: [Gasps] Hmm. Oh, my. It is time for the main course.
[Clarence goes to the kitchen]
Mr. Mozer: Uh...
Ms. Baker: [Sighs]
[Clarence opens the fridge and looks for food]
Clarence: ♪ Do, do, do, do, do ♪ [Clarence grabs the cheese] Oh, here we go.
[Clarence goes back to the dining room]
Clarence: [Grunts] [Grabs a little piece of heart-shaped cheese] Here we go. Ms. Baker.
Ms. Baker: Oh. [Gives her plate to Clarence]
[Clarence puts the cheese on Ms. Baker's plate]
Clarence: [Humming] [Puts mustard on the plate, and then he puts a chip] Sprinkle this. [Puts salt on the food] Eh, a little more. [Puts more salt on it, and the plate is all covered with salt] Mr. Mozer, can you pass this to Ms. Baker, please? [Gives the plate to Mr. Mozer]
Mr. Mozer: Oh, uh, sure. [Passes the plate to Ms. Baker]
Ms. Baker: Ooh, yes, thank you. Uh, mmm, yummy.
[Clarence gives the same food to Mr. Mozer]
Mr. Mozer: Wow, great concept. Can't wait to try it. [Grabs a fork]
Mary: Oh, Craig, you don't have to do --
Mr. Mozer: The little guy went through the trouble, so... [Eats the food, but it tastes bad] [Gulps] [Gagging] [Drinks what Sumo has prepared] [Gags] [Spits]
[Ms. Baker leaves Clarence's house and her dress is wet]
Ms. Baker: Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! [Gets in her car]
[Mary, Chad, Clarence, Sumo and Mr. Mozer come to Ms. Baker]
Mary: I'm sorry, Melanie. Please come back. Aah!
[Chad stands in front of Ms. Baker's car's glass]
Chad: We got to rub some club soda on that dre--
[Ms. Baker activates the windshield and it hits Chad]
Ms. Baker: I'm sorry, I'm sorry!
Clarence: Ms. Baker, I know you're not at school, but you got to try and fall in love!
[Sumo licks the glass of Ms. Baker's car]
Ms. Baker: Ugh! I got to get out of here. [Turns on the car]
[Engine starts]
Mr. Mozer: Uh, you know, why don't we --
[Mr. Mozer stands in back of the car, but then te car hits him]
Mr. Mozer: whoa!
Mary: Holy moly!
Chad: Oh! Craig!
Sumo: [Laughs]
Mr. Mozer: [Straining] I'm okay. Ow.
Scene changes and Ms. Baker now has other clothes and she's with Mr. Mozer inside of Clarence's house.
Mary: Oh, boy, I'm really sorry again about all the --
Ms. Baker: Please, don't worry. I think we had a good night.
Mr. Mozer: [Chuckles] Did we?
Ms. Baker: Okay, bye, guys.
Mary: You have a nice night.
Chad, Clarence and Sumo: Bye.
Mary: Thanks for coming over.
[Ms. Baker and Mr. Mozer leave Clarence's house]
Mr. Mozer: Uh, Valentine's day, right?
Ms. Baker: [Laughs] Uh, yes. You know, believe it or not, I've had worse.
Mr. Mozer: Oh, [Chuckles] so have I.
[Meanwhile, Mary, Chad, Clarence and Sumo spy them from the window]
Mary: What are they saying?
Chad: Words of some sort.
Clarence: Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss. Kiss.
Ms. Baker: You know, I'm actually still kind of hungry. Uh, want to maybe grab some falafel as pals?
Mr. Mozer: Love me some falafel.
[Mary and Chad stop spying]
Chad: [Hugs Mary] Now, where were we?
Mary: [Laughs]
[Clarence hugs Sumo]
Clarence: Looks like Cupid's arrow struck again. But why stop here? [Puts on glasses]
[Music plays]
[One of Clarence's meat hearts falls on a man, and a woman watches him]
♪ Eat my meaty meat hearts ♪
Woman: [Gasps]
♪ They'll make you fall in love ♪
[A young man is about to give a ring to his girlfriend, but a meat heart falls on the ring]
Young man: Huh?
[A meat heart falls between two dogs, and both bark]
♪ My meat hearts will spread the love so far ♪
[Another man is driving a bike with his girlfriend, but a meat heart falls on the man's eye and the bike hit sometehing]
[Crash]
♪ Can you taste the love tonight? ♪
[Clarence throws a meat heart on the glass of the "Falafel Palace", where Ms. Baker and Mr. Mozer were eating]
[Clarence throws a lot of meat hearts in a street with a lot of people]
♪ My meat hearts will spread my love tonight ♪