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| Clarence's Transcripts | |
| Episode | Season 1 Episode 25 |
| Written & Storyboarded by | Mark Banker (Writer) Skyler Page, Spencer Rothbell and Mark Banker (Story) Stephen P. Neary and Niki Yang (Storyboard) |
| Chronology | Previous: Pilot Expansion Next: Rough Riders Elementary |
[Elevator music plays]
[Indistinct talking]
[Clarence opens the door running]
Clarence: [Grunts] And the winner is Clarence! Whoo! Whoo! I won! I won!
Mary: Clarence, I said no racing.
Clarence: Oh, sure, you say that now. You're just a sore loser.
Mary: I've been saying it since I turned off the car.
[Mary and Clarence walk to the Nurse]
Clarence: Yeah, but you're saying it now.
Mary: Uh, Mary Wendle here to see Dr. Kimble. Oh, I-I have to leave by 4:00.
Clarence: She has to go back to work.
Nurse Tacker: Yes, Ms. Wendle. He'll be with you shortly.
Mary: Thanks.
Clarence: My mom hurts. Can you heal her with crystals?
Mary: Clarence, I'm fine. I'm just here for my Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I cut hair. It never stops. [Chuckles] Especially when you have a freeloading friend like Sandy. You know, you do something, you don't realize it's gonna affect you down the line.
[Clarence looks at the candy jar]
[The jar makes a face with candy]
Jar: Oh, Clarence. Oh, my sweet boy. I've been waiting for you. [Tink!]
[Clarence scraping]
Clarence: [Sighs]
Mary: Clarence.
Clarence: The candy... it needs me.
Mary: Yeah, sure it does. Okay, tell you what. You can have one piece.
[Nurse Tacker opens the jar]
Mary: When we leave, if you behave.
[Nurse Tacker closes the jar]
[Thud]
Clarence: [Whimpers]
Mary: Okay, come on, Clarence.
[Mary takes Clarence to a seat]
Clarence: Nooooo! [Whimpering]
[Tinia gets up from her seat and stays in a little chair for talking to Nurse Tacker]
Tinia: Nurse Tacker, can I have a piece of candy?
Nurse Tacker: What does your mother say?
Tinia's Mom: Whatever you want Tinia.
Nurse Takcer: Here you go, angel.
[Tinia grabs a candy]
[Ominous music playing]
Clarence: [Gasps]
Tinia: [Giggles] [Goes back to her seat]
Clarence: Mom, that Tinia girl got candy.
Mary: Yes, she did.
[Ominous music plays]
[Tinia has the candy on her mouth]
Clarence: [Grunts] I don't think that she is an angel at all.
Mary: Neither are you.
Clarence: [Grunts] [Thinking] Hmm, got to use a different technique. Slander isn't getting me anywhere. Mm... Ooh, I'll strike a bargain. Yes, mothers love bargains. [Not thinking anymore] Oh, mother, what if I were to have one piece now and then one later when we leave?
Mary: No.
Clarence: [Grunts] Say, mom, what if I were to trade you one potted plant for one --
Mary: No.
Clarence: [Grunts] Mom, did you know that --
Mary: No.
Clarence: [Shouting] [Punchs a table with a potted plant several times]
Mary: Clarence, you have to learn to entertain yourself while you're waiting for something. Can you do that?
Clarence: No.
Mary: What?
Clarence: Oh, uh, uh, probably.
Mary: Then do it.
Clarence: [Sighs] Worth a shot. [Grunts]
[Festive music playing]
[Clarence draws his body]
[Clarence watches a woman seeing dogs and cats pictures on her cellphone]
[Clarence plays with a baby game]
Clarence: What's the point of this thing?!
[Festive music continues]
[Clarence pretends he's a dinosaur]
Clarence: [Roars]
[Clarence eats a plant]
[Clarence plays with another baby game]
[Festive music ends]
Clarence: This is too easy! I need a real challenge.
Candy Jar: [Makes a face] Oh, Clarence. Oh, my sweet boy.
Clarence: [Gasps]
[Scatting "Mission Impossible" theme song]
[Clarence tries to get the candy jar]
Clarence: [Whispering] Doing good. Oh. Got to check the map. [Sees a map in his arm] Oh, yeah.
[Scatting "Mission Impossible" continues]
[Clarence tries to grab the jar, but Mary grabs him to take him back to the seats]
Mary: Come on, Clarence. [Grunts] You're getting too heavy for this!
Clarence: [Whimpering] [Falls to the floor]
[Mary sits down on her seat]
Clarence: [Whimpering] [Sighs] Are we gonna be here forever?
Mary: [Reading a book] It's only been five minutes.
Clarence: Really?
Mary: Really. Come on, back to the seat.
Clarence: [Grunting] [Sits down on his seat] [Singing] Peppermints, gumdrops, jawbreakers!
Mary: Quietly.
[Clarence jumps with his seat]
Mary: Without moving.
Clarence: But, mom!
Mary: If I hear one more word out of you, you are not getting any candy, all right?
Clarence: [Inhales deeply] [Not breathing]
Mary: You can breathe, Clarence.
Clarence: [Gasping] [Sighs] [Thinking] Okay, no noise, no moving. I can do that. Just need to sit here and think. Yeah, no problem. No problem at all. I can think, can't I? No, I can't! It's too hard! I-I got to say something! I got to do something! [Watches everybody in the waiting room] Help! Anybody, help! Stewart! Stewart! [His 2 eyes show the same shot of Stewart] Stewart, do something! No, no, look at me! Wait, wait, what's going on here? My brain is like a cave! Hellooo!
[The waiting room comes into a view]
Clarence: [Thinking] Wow, I'm in a creepy cave inside my head. That's so cool. Wait a second. I'll just turn my cave into -- a beach! [Clarence's eyes show an ocean] Or -- or outer space! [Clarence's eyes show outer space] Whoo! Wait a second. Oh, man, I just got a sgreat idea! [Grunting] [Clarence's view turns into "Candy Brain]
♪ Candy Brain ♪
[Dramatic music playing]
[Clarence walks in his candy brain and finds gummy bears]
Clarence: Oh, hello, giant gummy friend. May I? [Eats a piece of a gummy bear] [Finds a gummy worm] Are you lost, gummy worm? Find your way into my mouth! [Eats the gummy worm] [Slurps] [Finds chocolate] Look! [Drinks chocolate] [Slurps] Oh, is this chocolate! I know we just met, candy brain, but I think I love you! Is that okay? I hope it's okay.
Ice Cream: It's okay by me. [Surfs in a chocolate ocean] [Grunts] [Stops surfing when he gets close to Clarence] Ugh! Water.
Clarence: [Gasps] Whoa, are you made of all ice cream?!
Ice Cream: I am the ice cream.
Clarence: Wait a second. I think I remember you! I was 6! You changed my life! [Hugs the Ice Cream] May I?
[Ice Cream pushes Clarence]
Ice Cream: Not now! I'm here to help you pass the time in here so you can get candy out there.
[Back in real life]
[Fly buzzing]
[The fly gets into Clarence's nose and gets out immediately]
[Back in Candy Brain]
Clarence: Really? How am I supposed to do that?
Ice Cream: By showing you how to melt, of course. [Sloop!] [Melts]
Clarence: Holy pie! That's amazing!
[Plop!]
[Ice Cream turns back to his shape]
Clarence: There's no way I could do that.
Hornsby: Sure you can, pal!
Clarence: Hornsby?! Is that you?!
Hornsby: Who else would it be?!
Clarence: But how?
Hornsby: This is your brain, pal. If you can think it, it can happen.
Clarence: Okay, who do I want to meet? How about viking ghost grandma?
[Clarence's grandma appears]
Clarence: Grandma, there you are! You look beautiful! All right, fellas, I guess it's time to melt!
[Sloop]
[Clarence and his friends melt]
[Back in real life]
[Fly buzzing]
[Mary stops reading and wacthes Clarence, surprised he's quiet]
[Back in Candy Brain]
[Plop!]
[Clarence and his friends's head appear on a small lake with a Clarence's skin coloured water]
Clarence: Sweet, I did it! Yes!
Ice Cream: Told ya!
Clarence: [Sighs] I could stay here forev-- [Peanut falls on him] Ow! [Peanuts keep falling on him] Hey, hey, who's throwing peanuts?!
Ice Cream: Not me. I'm the Ice Cream.
[Back in real life]
[Clarence realizes someone is throwing peanuts]
Clarence: What? Who --
[Tinia appears. She was behind a plant]
[Ominous music plays]
Clarence: [Grunting]
[Nurse Tacker open the door]
Nurse Tacker: Mary?
Clarence: [Grunts]
Mary: That's me. I'll be right back.
[When Mary gets up, Clarence takes her hand]
Clarence: What? No, don't! I'm -- I'm coming with you, I'm coming with you!
Nurse Tacker: [Walks to Clarence] Clarence, will you stay here and keep me company, hmm?
Clarence: What do you mean keep you company? [Left Mary's hand] That's weird.
[Nurse Tacker walks back to Mary]
Mary: So, he will be able to see me before 4:00, right?
Nurse Tacker: Oh, of course. [Closes the door] He'll be right in.
[Tinia blows a gum in Clarence's face]
[Pop!]
Clarence: Huh?! What?!
Tinia: So, you like candy, huh?
Clarence: Yeah. So?
Tinia: Then why don't you have any candy?
Clarence: I only get it when we leave, and I'm not supposed to talk, so don't talk to me!
Tinia: That's too bad. Hey, you want some of my candy?
Clarence: Really?!
Tinia's Mom: Tinia, is that boy bothering you?
Tinia: No, mother. He's behaving himself.
Tinia's Mom: Good.
Clarence: So, are you gonna give me that candy or what?
Tinia: Sure, I'll give you some.
Clarence: All right, give it.
[Tinia is about to give him candy, but stops herself]
Tinia: Except we might be here a while. I don't want to run out.
Clarence: You won't run out, you won't run out! I-I promise! Come on, just give me some!
Tinia: I don't know. There's a lot of people ahead of us.
[The waiting room comes into a view and you see some people there]
Clarence: Hmm, I can fix that! [Gets up but goes back to his seat immediately] [Grunts]
[Back in Candy Brain]
Clarence: All in favor, say yes.
Hornsby and Ice Cream: No!
[Horn blows]
Clarence: Viking horn wins!
[Back in real life]
[Clarence gets up and run to Nurse Tacker]
Clarence: [Grunting] [Stays in a little chair so he can see the nurse] Help, help, help, help, help!
Nurse Tacker: What is it?
Clarence: The toilet -- It's [Grunts] It's clogged!
Nurse Tacker: Again?! [Goes to the bathroom]
[Clarence steals her patients list and runs to an old man to listen to his heart]
Old Man: Oh, my!
[Heart beating loudly]
Clarence: Your ticker is a champion! Go out and enjoy your life, you silly, young man!
[Scene cuts to Clarence talking to an old woman in a wheelchair]
Clarence: My prescription is to eat lots of cereal and just go for a run once in a while.
[Scene cuts to Clarence again. He's behind the young woman using her cellphone]
[Clarence grabs her cellphone]
Clarence: If you turn this off right now, you'll live. [Grunts] [Throws the cellphone]
Young Woman: [Gasps]
[Clarence goes back to his seat]
Clarence: Whew, busy day! All right, I think I treated everyone here.
[The waiting room comes into a view and only the old man leaves]
Clarence: But it turns out they all want to see a real doctor. Except for that guy.
[Door opens]
Clarence: So, candy?
Tinia: Hmm... maybe, for one more favor.
[Scene cuts to Clarence reading a book for Tinia and Stewart]
Clarence: "So, whenever there's a breeze but before the bees can sneeze, Princess Pollen hands out tissues because the bees have allergies. [Shows a picture on the book] The end." All right?
Tinia: [Smiling] Could you sing it?
[Festive music plays shortly on a black screen saying "Later..."]
Clarence: ♪ Because the bees ♪ ♪ Have allergi-i-i-i-es! ♪ That music's not final.
Tinia: Again?
[Festive music plays shortly on a black screen saying "Laterer..."]
Clarence: ♪ Allergi-i-i-es ♪
Tinia: Just one more thing.
[Clarence braiding Tinia's hair]
Clarence: [Grumbling] There!
Tinia: I love it! [Undos her hair]
Clarence: Please don't ask me to anything else.
[Tinia smiles]
[Clarence gives Tinia a piggyback ride]
Tinia: Whee!
Clarence: [Breathing heavily] [Sighs]
[Piggyback ride stops and Tinia gets up]
Clarence: Okay, are we good?
Tinia: Yes, we're good.
[Tinia stays on Clarence's back]
Clarence: Ow!
Tinia: Mom, can I have some more candy?
Tinia's Mom: That's nice, honey.
[Tinia grabs a chocolate bar and walks away]
Clarence: [Clears throat]
[Tinia gives Clarence her chocolate bar]
Clarence: Pleasure doing business with ya.
Tinia: I'm sorry.
Clarence: [Opening the chocolate bar] For what?
Tinia: I don't know why I do stuff like this. I just do.
Clarence: What do you mean stuff? Stuff like what?
Tinia: Mom, that boy took my candy!
Tinia's Mom: What?!
Clarence: No, no, that's not what happened! [Throws the chocolate bar near Tinia] That's not what happened at all!
Tinia's Mom: Zip it, mister!
[Thunder crashes]
Tinia's Mom: It's gonna be so long before you get candy again, you're gonna forget what it tastes like!
Nurse Tacker: [Distorted] Maybe that's enough candy for today! [Takes the candy jar away from Clarence]
Clarence: [Breathing heavily] [Jumps and takes the jar]
[Everybody in the waiting room is angry watching Clarence]
Tinia's Mom: [Grunting]
Nurse Tacker: You don't want to do this, son. Hand over the candy. [Knuckles crack]
Clarence: We can fix this! Candy fixes everything! [Grunts] [Throws candy for everyone]
[Scene cuts to Candy Brain]
[Thunder crashes]
Ice Cream: What are you doing, man?!
Clarence: [Digs a big hole] I don't know! [Grunting]
Hornsby: Then stop digging.
Clarence: I can't! I just can't!
[Scene cuts back to real life]
[Thunder crashes]
Clarence: But I definitely think chocolate is my favorite! [Chuckles nervously] Who's with me -- anybody?
[Nurse tacker tries to take the candy]
Clarence: Not the candy!
[Both grunting]
[Nurse tacker accidentaly throws the candy jar]
Nurse Tacker: Aah!
[The jar breaks and all the candy is out]
Clarence: [Distorted] No!
Tinia's Mom: [Distorted] [Gasps]
Tinia: [Distorted] [Gasps]
Nurse Tacker: [Distorted] [Whimpers]
[The young woman takes a picture with her cellphone]
[Camera shutter clicks]
[Mary opens the door]
Mary: All right, I'm sorry. I can't wait any longer. I have to get back to work! I'll call to reschedule! [Sighs] [Opens the exit door] Forget the candy, Clarence. Let's go. [Leaves the waiting room] [Sighs]
Clarence: Bye! [Breathing heavily] [Runs away] [Giggling] [Grabs a lot of candy, but then he touches a piece of glass]
[Engine sputtering]
[Clarence leaves]
[Scene cuts to Clarence and Mary going home in the car]
Mary: [Sighs] I can keep appointments. Why can't they?! Doctors [Sighs] They think they can keep the whole world waiting! Well, not this lady! Huh?! Ah [Sighs] Sorry you had to sit there for nothing, honey.
Clarence: [Eating ice cream, slurping] Anytime, mama! Right, guys?
[Back to Candy Brain]
All: Right!
Clarence: Right!
Mary: Who are you talking to?
Clarence: Uh, nobody!
[The Ice Cream's head appears on a black screen saying "The End"]
Ice Cream: I am the [Distorted] ice cream.