Clarence Wiki

-The episode starts with a shot of Aberdale Elementary during the sunrise, it then shifts to the school hallway with Nathan and Dustin playing with Taffy Cards-

Dustin: (Placing Cards) ‘Kay, I’m gonna play Level 4 Thundradrogan with plus 2 Fire Power.

Nathan: Well my Divorcion has Lightning Power when I use it with Wizard Water Card.

-Then Clarence brings out a fake card which is a crudely drawn picture of an angry creature wielding a chainsaw

Clarence: (Suddenly Intrudes) Yeah well my guy has a chainsaw, and he chops you up because yours is made of wood. (Makes a Buzzing Sound as he shuffles his card upon the Taffy Cards, making a mess.)

Nathan and Dustin: (Confused) Uhhh…

-Clarence then sits on his own card and slides away with it-

Clarence: We’ll thanks for the fun guys, see you later~

-We then move to the Classroom where Ms Baker and the kids are reading a book with Belson standing up and reading a part of the story-

Belson:(Poor Acting) Wah, I’m in jail for a crime I didn’t commit. (Out of Character) Come on if you can’t do the time just do the crime, just get a job and earn money like my dad.

-Guitar Riff-

Nathan and Dustin: (Cheering) Go Belson, Go Belson, it’s your Birthday~

Belson: (Makes a Rock Gesture) Wassup~

Ms. Baker:(Annoyed)..okay (Calmly)that was a very practical view. (Belson nods in Pride and Ms Baker then looks at Clarence who suddenly catches her attention) Okay Clarence, your next.

Clarence: (Gets out his Seat) First of all, (Formal) sincerely Happy Birthday to you Belson, you can have my (Pulls out a Bag of Hair) bag of hair if you want? (Clarence shakes the bag to Belson and then drops it to the ground to pull out a book from his bag. Anyway, I found this book, it was so great, (Spins the book on his finger as he talks) I started reading it, and he was in jail, and what if the jail was made of cake or something. (Then tries to balance the book on his head.) And he can just eat the bars and get out. (The book slips off his head) And like, what if?

-Everyone stares at Clarence for his response-

Ms. Baker: (Kindly) Hey thank you Clarence, (Serious) now can anyone actually…READ the book. (Nervously Giggles)

-Clarence Sits Down snuggly as Jeff stares at him annoyed, and a guitar riff of a Fail song plays, the scene shifts to the school playground with Clarence playing on a seesaw with Jeff and Sumo in his perspective-

Clarence: (Bragging while Playing) Guys I really think everyone liked my cake joke idea, and wasn’t it so funny?

Sumo: (Hysterically Laughs but then corrects himself)…I mean (Sticks his head out behind Jeff) I liked it.

Jeff: (Unsure) It was pretty funny,(Concerned) but have you thought about not saying stuff like that? I don’t think everyone can relate to your sense of humor.

-Back to Clarence in his swing saw in midair-

Clarence: Yeah but what about a Pie Joke?

-Back to Jeff and Sumo-

Sumo: What about the bars were made of Chocolate in the jail?

Clarence: …yeah and you can just eat right through them.

Jeff: (Frustrated) See! That’s exactly what I’m talking about. (Sumo gets off the seesaw and Clarence pushes down lifting Jeff high up on his seesaw, holding on to the seesaw) YoU cAn’T jUsT (Gets his Balance) spout words at people, and how would they stick? You should look at people who are good conversationalists,(Sumo comes backs and pushes Jeff back down) and copy what they do.

Clarence: (LyingBored on the Swing) Yeah I can hear you, (Shifts back Joyful) Yeah but what uhhh…”Ice Cream Cat”? (makes his hands like claws and meows like a cat) Meow, Meow, DON’T EAT ME, Meow.

-Shifts to a far shot of the seesaw-

Sumo: Yeah I’d probably eat’em.

Clarence: No don’t eat him!

-Back to Jeff and Sumo-

Jeff: Just give it some thought, okay.

Clarence: Okay. (School Bell Rings) Oh god it’s school time I can’t be late!

-Clarence gets off the swing causing the other side to fall with Jeff easily getting of the swing and Sumo getting flung to his back, the scene shifts to Clarence’s house with him watching TV-

-TV Plays a Court Trial-

Lawyer: Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, I object.

-Changes to an Art Doccumetnary about an abstract art piece-

Artist:…and join a cup of Joe with contemporary honest, Smeg Corona

-Scene changes to Clarence surfing channels-

Clarence: (To Himself) Okay, aJeff said I got to find a good conversationalist.

-Tv changes to a Talk Show-

Host: ..thats when her tooth fell out!

Celebrity: (Hysterically Laughs on Couch)

Clarence: Oh wow that guy is really good…(Show Music Plays as Clarence sits on the coffee table like a show host) Welcome to the Clarence Show, what do you want to talk about Mr. Bacon Chips Bacon Chips: (Clarence making the chips talk with a raspy voice) Talking makes me nerves… (Clarence spills the chip making a barfing nose)

Toy Monkey: (Plays Cymbals in a joke riff)

Clarence: (Fake Laughs, until he turns saddened) Nobody actually laughed…

-Tv changes to an old sitcom where a goofy man reveals a bunch of horns in his pants-

Clarence: Woah what’s he doing with those horns?

-A big grumpy man bosses gibberish to the horn guy, until the horn guy gives him a hug that makes him honk, the man pushes the guy away, but the horn guy keeps honk hugging him.

Clarence: Woah, he’s honking it! (A Honking Sound Plays again as Clarence giggles)

-The horn guy talks to the phone by playing his horns which makes Clarence giggle even more, then in the show two criminals are trying to sneak out of jail, but then the horn guy joins them as a cell,ate and honks his horn causing the two criminals to jump in fright, and then angrily look at the horn guy, until a spotlight catches them as alarms start flaring and guard dogs come in)

Clarence: (Laiughing Hysterically) That one is a killer! (Calms Down) I wish I can just honk instead of talk. -Clarence stops for a moment and realizes a great opportunity-

Clarence: I just had the biggest id-

-Cuts to Clarence entering a bike shop-

Clarence Hello can I get this horn?

Bike Shop Lady: Oh, is this for your bike?

Clarence: No it’s for my conversation skills.

Bike Shop Lady: Oh, that’s just wonderful…

-The Lady scans the horn and Clarence walks out with the horn in a bag giggling, Clarence then opens the bag until a great honking sound comes which turns to be the bus trying to drive on the road, back to the school with a bunch of goose flying by, the students are seen pledging allegiance to the American Flag.

Students: I pledge of allegiance to the (HONK) (The kids start to giggle)

Ms. Baker: (Turns back to the class and gets back to saluting with the kids) of the United States of Ame-(HONK)-rica (The kids giggle again) And to the republic for which it st-(HONK) (The kids laugh even more) One nation under go- (HONK) (The giggles continue uncontrollably ) individual with liberty and justice for- (HOOOOOONK) (All the kids crack up laughing)

Ms. Baker: (Laughing) Okay, okay.

-The laughter is silenced by the tuning of the room speaker -

Principal: (Through the Speaker) Good Morning Students, this is your principal. (Kids pull out their Tickets) Just a reminder that the winners of “Less This Disease” will be announced tomorrow, (Switches to a close shot of the Principal’s Face) good luck on winning the grand prize, two tickets to Squirty’s Moist Mountain Water Park. (Cuts back to the Class) And now today’s poem, “A Fall Day” by Ms. Shoop. (Reading the poem while the kids struggle to stay awake) The night is crisp, the day is done. (Clarence smugly pulls out his horn) Listen to the sound swaying leaves as they go sweep-(Clarence honks his horn making the kids laugh again) sweep, sweep.

Ms. Baker: (Laughing) Oh Clarence, what a way of deconstruction.

-Then shifts to a montage of Clarence honking his horn, first with him preparing his honk at the cafeteria, sitting with a bunch of kids anticipating for the honk-

Darlie: (Clarence looks at her) I heard the math test got cancelled today, Tee-Hee-Hee~

Dustin: (Clarence looks at him) Yeah…?

Darlie: (Back to Darlie) good thing too…

Dustin: (Back to Dustin;Smiling)…

Darlie: (Back to Darlie) I didn’t study much. (Kids near her giggle)

-Jeff gets nervous from being honked-

Jeff: (Nervous) I’ll see you guys later. (Starts to Trip) Woah! (HOOOOOOOONK)

-Jeff catches his balance, as the kids laugh at him, Jeff turns back embarrassed)

-Then it shifts to Reed reading some papers to Gilben, until Clarence sneaks up on them and honks at them causing Reed to drop his papers, looking back at Clarence, with Gilben falling like a statue-

-Then it shifts to Percy reading on a staircase, Clarence sneaks on him and honks him- Percy: Hee-hee-hee, somebody farted. (HONK) (Trips and falls down the stairs like a Ball)

-Changes to a GameBoy playing HotDog Police 2, revealing to be Belson and his gang playing their games in the bathroom-

Belson: “Hotdog Police 2”? It’s the same as the first one. It shouldv’e been called “Hotdog Police 1: Again”. (Looks back at his gang to see them reactionless, but then Clarence brings out his horn and honks them causing the gang to laugh.

Belson: (Jealous) Not funny.

-Then it switches to Mr. Reese and Ms. Baker at the teacher’s lounge with a few kids watching from the glass screen-

Mr. Reese: Melonie, wev’e been working together (Pulls out an Engagement Ring from a Box) for a couple months now and I think it’s time that we (HOOOONK) (The kids laugh) (Fumbles the Engagement Ring in his Hands) WOAH, WOAH, Woah, Woah, Woah, Woah. (Drops the ring on the Floor) (Ms. Baker silently leaves) (Panicking) Where did it go, where is it. It’s in here somewhere…

-Then it changes to Clarence at a nurse’s office, honking through his mouth, annoying the Nurse, Blaide claps for Clarence with a thermometer in his mouth with a happy Nathan with an arm cast and a bored Courtlin with a bucket, from behind it reveals Clarence hid the horn between his buttcheeks, he honks his butt again, and bows down honking-

-Then it changes to the cafeteria again, with Vu and Sumo giggling on the ground watching Clarence honking behind Jeff’s chair.

Jeff: (Formally) Clarence, the horn is a gimmick (HONK), at first (HONK) you were just peppering it in (HONK), but now (HOOONK) you’re doing it all the time. People may like it now, (HOOOOONK) but they will get tired of it very quickly! (HONK) (HONK) (HONK) (HONK) (HONK) (HONK) (HONK) (Frustrated) CAN YOU JUST STOP TALKING! (BY Jeff’s Ear) (HOOOOOOOOOONK) (HONK) (HONK)

Vu AND Sumo: (Laugh Uncontrollably as Clarence honks on top of Jeff’s head) (HONK) (HONK) (HONK)

Sumo: Oh, this’ll never get old.

-Back at Clarence’s house, at night, Clarence is sleeping, while honking the horn with him in rhythm with his snores, but from the parent’s room, Clarence’s mom can’t sleep from his sleep honking, and shivers-

-Back at another school day where the geese honk, Clarence walks to the entrance-

Clarence: It’s gonna be another Honk-diculous day!

-In the classroom-

Principal: (Through the Speaker) Chocolate Milk, and Pickle Spears. And now the moment youv’e been waiting for, the “Less this Disease” raffle winners. (The kids pull out their tickets whispering in excitement, with Clarence about to bring out his horn) The grand prize winners of this years tickets to Squirty’s Moist Mountain Water Park is…Number 734- (HOOOOOOONK) (HONK) (HONK) (HONK) (HONK)

Students: (Angry) Clarence!

Principal: Get you prize now, or we’ll give it to someone else.


Clarence: It’s just a little honk humor…

Kids: (Scolds from Behind)

-Now at a Science Lab Breehn is cautiously dropping a solution to a test tube-

Breehn: (Scared) Careful, Careful, CAREFUL…

-Clarence comes by a puts his horn on the ground, then brings out a chair, stand on the chair and jumps off landing on the horn Breehn: CARE- (HOOOOOOONKK) WAAAAAAAAAAHHH- (Spills too much solution causing the concoction to explode with fizz, scaring everyone, then the fire alarm flares-


-All the kids rush out the lab with Clarence running behind with his horn, Clarence then goes through a trance through all the negative comments people made about his horn-

Flashback of Breehn: IT WAS THE HORN!

Flashback of Belson: Not funny.

Flashback of Bike Shop Lady: …and what are we talking about?

-Clarence then cradles into a ball in fear as he drops down landing on a giant horn causing it to boom a large honk causing an explosion, Clarence is now panicking outside the school trying to stay away from everyone-

Clarence: (Backing Away with Horn) No, No, stay back, stay back. (Uses the horn like a pistol as the kids come closer to him) I have a horn and I know how to use it.

Jeff: (Calmly) We just want to help you Clarence, (Demanding) put the horn down!

Sumo: (Confused) Why don’t we just take it form him, its just a horn.


Sumo: (Careless) Eh, he’ll be fine.

Jeff: (Confident) Yes we will, cause we’re gonna make him fine!

-The scene changes into Jeff’s House, where Jeff is taking Clarence to his room- Clarence: (Curious) What’s in here a new horn.

Jeff: No, it’s the people who love you.

Belson: I don’t love him.

Jeff: (Scolding) YES YOU DO, (Calmly) and we all do, (Seats himself and Clarence as he taps his foot) this is a place of love. Tell me what do you think Percy.

Percy: (Sobbing) Okay. At first you didn’t have a horn, (Hic) but now you have a horse, and… (Cries in his Shirt) (HONK) (Whining) NOOOOOOOOO.

Courtlin: Clarence, the honking has become super overcome of you.

Malessica: Yeah, and it limits your vocabulary.

Jeff: You have two choices, you can either get rid of the horn and join into society, or you can keep the horn, bu-

Clarence:(Instantly) CHOICE NUMBER TWO, I’m keeping it, Thanks Guys. BYE. (HONK) (HONK) (HONK)

Jeff: (Warning) No wait, I was gonna say at what cost, at what cost!

Percy: Yeah, (Crying) AT WHAT COST!!!

-The scene shifts back to Clarence’s house where Clarence is in his bed with a pan of bacon, he pulls out a strip from the pan-

Clarence: Eat up baby bird. (Munches on the Strip, and then spits it in the Horn) (Sighs) I wish they knew you as much as I do Hornsby, (HONK with Bacon Bits) no that’s just the bacon talking, (Tearing Up) your not going anywhere! (HONK) (Sobbing) Your wrong, you are good for me! (HONK) NO HORNSBY I WON’T LET YOU GO! (HONK) (Understandingly) Well I guess if you put it that way you actually make a lot of sense.

-A farewell salute is played as the scene shifts to the bathroom where Clarence is abandoning his Horn- Clarence: (Sadly) Goodbye. (Covers his Eyes as he drops the horn in the toilet with a rose, and then flushes, Clarence puts his animal hood up and walks away before the horn would make a whine in the toilet-

Clarence: (Distraught) HORNSBY, I WAS WRONG, DON’T GO. (Tugs on Hornsby, but it’s wedged in the toilet)

Chad: (Pops in the Bathroom) What’s going on?

Clarence: (Sobbing) Hornsby fell in!

Chad: OH NO! (Takes the plunger and tries to pull it out, but then tosses it away and gets it out with his hands) DON’T WORRY BUDDY, I GOT YOU, COME ON! (Sobs)

-Then the camera turns to a frazzled Marry who is woken up by the commotion as toilet water splats on her, as she becomes appalled-

-Then the scene switches back to the school on a cloudy day where a crow is circling it, with Clarence standing outside the entrance-

Clarence: (HONK through Backpack) Be quiet, everyone hates you. (Zips up Bag) Hide in the backpack okay.

-Clarence looks out through the hallway doors and walks carefully through the empty hallway as Breehn jumps out from a locker-

Breehn: (Angered) HEY CLARENCE, I have a SCIENCE PROJECT FOR YOU! (Pulls out his own horn and Honks at him.

Percy: (Charges at Clarence with his Horn)) THIS IS FOR (HONK HONK) SQUIRTY’S!

-All the kids show up with their own horns and honk back at him-

Kid 1: How do you like the horn now! Kid 2: Huh Huh. Kid 3: Yeah.

-Jeff and Sumo are watching the madness from an open door-

Jeff: If this doesn’t break him, nothing will.

-Breehn and Percy honk at Clarence but then he honks with his horn adding some sounds-

-Coco honks at Clarence but Clarence then covers the horn with his butt making her laugh-

-Darline honks, and Clarence honks her from above a locker making her giggle, soon everyone begins to laugh again-

Jeff: He’s still having fun?!

Sumo: I told ya, let’s go! (Joins the afun)

-As he sky clears up, Clarence is seen outside pulling two horns off his cheeks, and prepares to orchestrate his chorus of horn players, and soon all the kids come out with a goofy horn symphony with every kid playing a horn of their own, and then Clarence ends off with a horns dance wearing a bunch of horse, he then cries tears of joy until the symphony is stopped when Mr. Reese. and Ms. Baker confiscate their horns in a box, with the children moaning in dissapointment. Then Clarence turns in his horn, kisses it goodbye and drops it in the box. Clarence walks up with Sumo and Jeff as they’ve turned in their horns.

Sumo: That was crazy even that kid that doesn’t talk was playing a horn. (Guyler walks by) WOOPS, there he is.

Jeff: You know what Clarence, I never thought I’d say this but I think I’m gonna miss that horn of yours. Clarence: Don’t shed a tear for Hornsby guys, he’s in a much better place now, and so am I, because I learned my daily moral lesson.

Jeff: That being true to yourself and not doing what anyone else tells you to be who you are, to earn forged friendships?

Clarence: Nope, I learned that when you lose your horn you buy (Pulls out Slide Whsitle) the whistle!

-Clarence plays the slide whistle that rolls the closing iris in and out the screen, with Sumo laughing and Jeff dissapointed, soon everyone walks on Clarence in annoyance-

Ms. Baker: (Snatches Slidewhistle) GIVE ME THAT. (Plays the Slide Whistle as the Iris finally closes.