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Dinner Party Gallery Transcript
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(The episode starts with Clarence dressed similar to Tarzan and running across wires)

Clarence: Excuse me, ladies. (Clarence starts screaming like Tarzan. He then jumps and kicks an airplane flying in the sky. Clarence's fingers are then seen resembling him on the wires. He is in a car.)

(Mary interrupts Clarence and then talks)

Mary: Clarence, are you listening to me?

Clarence: Yeah, I think so.

Mary: So, you excited to go to the dinner party tonight? You get to hang out with your friend Breehn, see his new house, huh?

Clarence: Yeah, I think it's gonna be really great. (Clarence plays with his fingers on the wires again)

Mary: Good! We're gonna have fun tonight, right, Chad?

Chad: I don't know, man. That family's weird.

Mary: Oh, they're not weird. They're just very cultured. And, you know, it was nice of them to have us over. We don't get invited to stuff like this very often.

(Mary takes out a small mirror and checks her teeth. Chad sneezes loudly into a tissue)

Mary: For some reason.

Chad: Hey, uh, I'm not gonna do that at the party.

Mary: Thank you.

(Clarence's talks to Mary from the back seat.)

Clarence: (Referring to the Pie fight 3 Stooges and also referring to the chili and Thanksgiving food fight from Cheers.) Hey, mom, at Breehn's house, will maybe somebody bring out a bunch of pies and then everybody's gonna - be throwing 'em all over the place?

Mary: No, sweetie, I don't want you throwing any pies tonight, all right?

(Mary says "no" to all of Clarence's questions.)

Clarence: Well, can I jump on the-

Mary: No, Clarence.

Clarence: Well, can I climb on the-

Mary: No. Clarence, look I want to make a good impression tonight, okay? I really need you to behave yourself.

Clarence: Well, can I explore the house?

(Mary thinks for a second and then replies.)

Mary: Yeah, I guess that's all right. Sure.

(Clarence's sits back and repentantly says "yes".)

Clarence: Yes! Yes, yes, yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

(Mary is seen worried and then talks to Chad.)

Mary: Chad, I want you to keep an eye on Clarence, okay? Chad?

(Chad is seen doing exactly what Clarence was doing with his hands and the wires.)

Mary: Chad! Chad!!

(Chad then looks at the road and gets back on track.)

Chad: What? Wh-o-o-o-o-o-oa!

(An angry driver can be heard in the background.)

(Breehn's full house can be seen. The car Chad is driving in moves slowly.)

Mary: Are you kidding me?! Chad!!

(Chad apologizes. He drives into an empty parking space and accidentally hits a car.)

Mary: Okay, slow do slow down. You're gonna hit.

(Chad hits behind a car and apologizes again.)

Tiffany: Okay, Breehn, here are some extra napkins. Make sure your friends have everything they need.

Walt: And remember, son, don't be a good host

Breehn: Be a great host.

Tiffany: Good boy.

(the doorbell rings, Tiffany opens the door)

Tiffany: Mary! Chad! Welcome to our home.

Clarence: Hi, lady.

Walt: What?

Tiffany: Now, I'm sure you're all dying to hear about the renovations we've done to our home, but first, a little history. This house is well over 100 years old oldest in the neighborhood, as a matter of fact!

Percy's Father: Oh, you don't say!

(Percy's Father drops some food on him and Percy's mother cleans him)

Percy's Father: Ohh. Oh. Now, you don't stop. Don't.

Tiffany: Now, our home being a Queen Anne style, we wanted to be sure to stay true to the Victorian motif.

Walt: Yeah, but too bad the cost was postmodern.

Tiffany: Walt, stop!

Walt: No, you stop.

Tiffany: No, you.

Chad: See? I told you they were weird.

(Mary kicks Chad)

Mary: Tiffany, your home is lovely.

Tiffany: I know.

(At the children's dinner, everyone except Jeff, who only eats his meal quietly, and Breehn, who is worried, they're all crazy, having fun)

Breehn: Don't do that, please.

Clarence: (singing) We are the goblins, 1, 2, 3. I'm the butcher, the baker, and one little piggy

Sumo: Ew! What is all this stuff?

Jeff: It's called "tapas." It's a Spanish style of dining.

Sumo: What's that one?

Jeff: That's an artichoke and goat cheese croquette.

Sumo: Ahh.

(Sumo crashes his food)

Sumo: Eh!

Jeff: I'm really impressed by your parents' selection, Breehn, very authentic.

Breehn: Oh. Uh, thanks.

Clarence: Honk, honk! All aboard the gravy train!

Jeff: Uh, no, Clarence. I don't want any Well

(Clarence fills Jeff's plate with sauce)

Jeff: I'm done.

(Percy throws a glass on the carpet)

Percy: Oops.

Breehn: Ugh. Good thing my parents put in stainproof carpets.

Clarence: You guy's carpets are stainproof?!

Breehn: Oh, Clarence, n

(Clarence throws sauce on the carpet)

Clarence: That's amazing. What other secrets does this house hold?

Breehn: Uh, I don't know.

Clarence: Hmm. No wonder my mom wanted me to explore this place. There could be anything, like hidden doors or a cupboard with a talking mouse in it.

Chelsea: Or a dead body.

Sumo: Ah! Now we're talkin'!

Clarence: All right, pack your things, gentlemen. We got some exploring to do!

(Clarence puts his hand in the sauce)

Clarence: Oops. Got to wash my hands.

(The dinner ends and Clarence comes out of the bathroom with his hands washed)

Clarence: (sees a door in the ceiling) Huh? Breehn, what's that up there?

Breehn: Uh, nothing. We We can't go up there.

Clarence: Why not?

(Tiffany looks angrily at Breehn)

Breehn: Uh, look, we're we're just not allowed, okay?

Clarence: Aww.

Breehn: Do you want to explore my room instead? We can pretend the floor is lava.

Clarence: No. Lava scares me.

Clarence: Hey, can we explore the basement?

Breehn: Okay. We're allowed.

Tiffany: Come on, everyone! We have got to show you our kitchen. (Adults follow Tiffany)

Walt: You'll just flip when you see what we've done with the cabinetry.

(Children open the basement door, surprised)

Clarence: Oh, yeah. This is a basement all right.

Look at that! - This is so cool. - Oh, my gosh. - Oh, look at that. - This is definitely a basement. All right, people. I want everything in this basement checked out, so just go look at stuff, pick it up, root around, and if you find anything, let me know. O-Okay. Careful! careful! Got a message from a mermaid queen. She was hangin' from a fish - Whoa! - Guys, please be careful. If you break anything, my parents will kill me. - Hammers, hammers, hammers! - Whoo-hoo! Oh, my god! Guys, I found something! The house walls are full of cotton candy! Actually, Clarence, it's called "insulation. " Wait! No, Clarence! Don't touch that! It's full of fiberglass! Oh, no! Nobody's supposed to get hurt! Oh, my gosh! My parents are gonna kill me! - I'm dead! I'm so dead! - Pull yourself together, man! - Well, that was exciting. - Okay. He's fine. Would you just look at the water pressure? Makes you glad to be alive, huh? And we had the tiles imported all the way from Morocco. Ugh. I got to get out of here. Chad! Chad! - Oh, I hear Clarence. - Chad, Chad, where are you going? - Hello? - Chad! What are you doing all the way down here?! Ooh! - I just came to see what's up. - That's great, Chad. The more the merrier. Ohh! Thanks. Yeah! yeah! Go, Chad! Go, Chad! - Whoo-hoo! - Yeah! Yeah! Up down. Up down. - Whoa! - Whew! - All right. My turn. - Yeah, maybe later, little man. Wow. You could probably beat up my dad. - Ah. Thanks, kid. - Say, Chad, when do you think my muscles will start coming in? Next year? Uh, yeah, probably. Can't rush 'em, though. - Cool. - All right. I think we explored everything down here. Where to next? We could go explore Breehn's bedroom. - Or Breehn's parents' bedroom. - I think we should go to the kitchen. We can go anywhere you guys want, as long as it's not the attic. Attic? - We got to go to that attic. - Yeah! - Yes, let's go in the attic! - Guys, I just said my parents - don't want anyone going up there. - What do you think they're hiding? - Somethin' nasty! - Or a dead body. And then it turned into a dead ghost. I'm scared, but I still want to go. You guys, no! My parents will kill me!

Clarence: Breehn, Breehn, Breehn, Breehn, Breehn. Your parents are gonna kill you anyway. Now, don't you want to find out what's up there before they do? - Uh, Chad, what do you think? - Uh - Oh, Walt! - Oh, Tiff! - yeah, I say we go to the attic. - But then Walt wanted it pinstripes, and we both thought about desert rose. Boy, that would have been a mistake. - Can you imagine?! - No, I can't! You know, when I was painting Clarence's room, - I spent so much - Um, actually, Mary, we're still talking about our wallpaper here, so if you could just keep the chatter down, that'd be great. Thanks! Where are you, Chad? - Whoa! - Go, go, go. - Oh, my gosh. - I'm so excited. Look! There's a ghost! - It's just a teddy bear. - Over there! Oh. it's just a mannequin, a rainbow wig, - a pair of trousers, and two rakes. - Hmm. Maybe the ghosts are hiding. Better look around.

Sumo: Ew!

Breehn: Hey, it's my game player! I thought I lost it.

Percy: I love this thing!

Clarence: Hey, look at these cool old magazines. That's the biggest building I ever saw.

Chad: Okay, bud. I think we're done up here and we should head downstairs.

Chelsea: (disappointed) Aw, man! 

Jeff: But I still wonder what Breehn's parents were hiding. 

(As the kids leave, upset. Suddenly, Clarence stops for a moment and us surprised to hear a creaking sound.)

Clarence: Whoa! Did you guys hear that? Hello, ghosts? Are you there? I'm just a friendly boy. Just be my friend, okay?

Chad: Clarence, look out! Back to our floors - Oh, lordy. - Well, guess we know why they didn't want us to go in the attic. Chad, are you okay?! -

Chad: Why'd you do that?

Clarence: Chad, I want you to know that you are my hero, just in case you fall to your death, which it's kind of looking like.

Breehn: ​​​​(runs frantically to save him) Chad! I'll save you!

Chad: No, no, no, no! I don't think the floor will Wow.

(As the others run to save Chad, the man tries to warn them about the creaking floors, however it was too late, the floor was destroyed and the others falling and screaming.)

Parents: Look at that.

Clarence: Hey, mama. What's for dessert? Kind of tastes like drywall.

Percy's father: Son, are you all right? 

(Shocked of witnessing the destruction of their house, Breehn's parents are traumatized and furious by what happened.)

Tiffany: (explodes in fury) Oh, my gosh! Oh, my dang, dang gosh! You people destroyed our home!

Walt: (hugs his wife, angry) I hope you understand the ramifications of this! Someone is going to pay for this disaster!

(As Clarence's family looks down in shame, Mel goes off to an inspection.)

Mel: Hmm. I don't know. Looks like some faulty construction there, Walt.

Walt: (still angry) Wha- What are you trying to say?!

Mel: I'm just sayin' if somebody got hurt, a man could sue.

Sumo: (pretending) Oh. Uh suddenly, I feel dizzy.

Jeff: (also pretending) Oh, yeah. I think my back's really twisted up.

Clarence: (pretending happily) And my brains fell out.

(Realising how much they treated them, Breehn's parents look at each other, feeling remorseful, decide to take them out from the hook. Meanwhile parents are leaving the house.)

Clarence: Bye, Breehn. See you at school Monday. Sorry about your house.

(Clarence waves to Breehn, who waves back and continues to play video game with a smile.)

Clarence: Am I in trouble? 

Chad: I think we both are.

(Mary is still mad, enter Clarence and Chad in the car, they both look in shame, feeling that they are in trouble...but suddenly, Mary starts laughing hysterically.)

Chad: (surprised) So, you're not mad at us?

Mary: Chad, all I could picture was your butt hanging out of that ceiling. Seems like you guys were the only ones who had fun tonight. Boy, what snobs.

Clarence: Wow. That was the best dinner party of my whole life. I even saw a ghost. It was so scary.

Chad: You guys hungry for ice cream?

Mary:'Oh, I'd love some. - Yes, sir! Yes, sir! I am! That dessert was so bland. Oh, my lord! Chad, are you okay?! You hit your face on the moon!

— Dinner Party/Transcript —
Season 0 Pilot
Season 1 Fun Dungeon Face OffA Pretty Great Day With a GirlMoney Broom WizardLost in the SupermarketClarence's MillionsClarence Gets a GirlfriendJeff's New ToyDinner PartyHonkDollar HuntZooRise and ShineMan of the HousePuddle EyesDream BoatSlumber PartyNature ClarenceAverage JeffLizard Day AfternoonThe ForgottenNeighborhood GrillBelson's SleepoverToo Gross For ComfortPilot ExpansionPatientsRough Riders ElementaryNothing VenturedBedside MannersJeff WinsSuspendedTurtle HatsGoose ChaseGoldfish FolliesChimneyStraight IllinDust BuddiesHurricane DillissHoofin' ItDetentionHairenceLil' BuddyChalmers SantiagoTuckered BoysWater ParkWhere the Wild Chads areBreehn Ho!The Big Petey Pizza ProblemThe Break UpIn DreamsBalanceSpooky Boo
Season 2 The InterrogationLost PlaygroundBird Boy ManFreedom CactusPlane ExcitedEscape from Beyond the CosmicRen FaireTime CrimesSaturday SchoolAttack the Block PartyField Trippin'Ice Cream HuntCompany ManStump BrothersThe Tails of MardryniaClarence Wendle and The Eye of CooganSneaky PeekyGame ShowSkater SumoMystery GirlThe SubstituteClassroomDullanceJeff's SecretSpace RacePlant DaddiesBucky and the HowlWorm BinClarence and Sumo's Rexcellent AdventureBirthdayTree of LifeCapture The FlagClorisFishing TripBelson's BackpackMotelMerry MoochmasPizza Hero
Season 3 Sumo Goes WestValentimesClarence for PresidentRock ShowThe Phantom ClarenceJeffery WendleBadgers & BunkersDingus & McNobrainBye Bye BakerFlood BrothersPool's Out For SummerBig GameThe Boxcurse ChildrenKarate MomClarence Loves ShoopyPublic RadioChad and the MarathonOfficer MoodyGilben's DifferentCool Guy ClarenceJust Wait in the CarMissing CatBig Trouble in Little AberdaleDare DayThe TradeA Nightmare on Aberdale Street: Balance's RevengeChadsgivingA Sumoful MindAnimal DayThe TunnelTalent ShowRC CarDog King ClarenceTrampolineClarence The MovieBelson Gets a GirlfriendBrain TVEtiquette ClarenceVideo StoreAnywhere But Sumo
Shorts Beauford T. PusserHave a BallBig BoyBeach BlastBelson TouchSeparation AnxietyBeansSticky ClarenceClaw MachineBirding With GuylerRainy DayClarencio MagnificoDoodle BattleLonely Lonnie